Grace

Before Jonathon was born I went to the childbirth preparation classes that the General Hospital held. I felt prepared. I believed everything they told us - even the leg-puller about no pain, just discomfort. I had heard the story of my own birth since I was young. I was a month early and my mother thought she had a bad stomachache (I was her first child). Her doctor arrived just in time to catch me after a very short labor. I thought "Like mother, like daughter" - easy, peasy, piece of cake. (The fact that Jonathon was a good two weeks or more late should have been my first clue.) When I was pregnant with Eden I prepared like mad. I attended the best Lamaze class I could find. I practised daily and made David practise with me. I was not going to be caught flat-footed again!!


Fast forward a generation. Eden was pregnant with Deacon (my first grandchild). I was invited to be a support person during his birth. Once again I felt prepared. After all, I had given birth five times - naturally. It was hard work but what a high!!! Once again I ran smack into reality. Wow! Giving birth is a lot easier than watching/supporting your daughter while she has the experience. I would have given a lot to have done it for her - it would have been easier for me! So like my own second experience with childbirth, when Merin was expecting Ysa and wanted me to be there with Mike and herself, I was much less sanguine and much more apprehensive - only this time there was not much that I could do to prepare for the experience. A large part of me wanted to not be there. I knew from experience that it would be hard to watch my daughter give birth. But Merin wanted me there...more, she absolutely expected me to be there and so I was.


The memories of those 34 long hours are precious to me. It was, as I expect most births are, a very intense time. A lot of hard work was being done. I will never forget the way that Merin worked through her labor. She preferred to stand, alone, in the center of the room. She had brought classical music with her to the hospital - the music that she had worked (hard) to for most of her life, the music that was not only comfort but discipline to her - and it was playing softly. As each contraction began she gathered herself as I had seen her do so many times when she danced. Only now she closed her eyes to center herself and gracefully swayed from side to side until the contraction ended. She looked so incredibly calm and beautiful - so full of grace. (Later she told me she was not feeling calm. lol.) 


What a wonderful privilege to be present at the moment of birth. To witness a brand new person enter the world. To witness the joy of the new parents. To feel intense gratitude - not only for that new life but also for the well-being of my own child. The pride in the accomplishment. The humble awareness of God's goodness and power. For these things I am twice grateful. Sharing the experience - being there - with both of my very beloved daughters is a bond and a blessing that I cannot find words to express. And it is a bond to those children.


Perhaps Ysa's birthday will always be closely linked in my mind with Merin as the day of her birth was one of the last, intense memories I have of Merin. I am extremely grateful to have been present that day. I can tell Ysa the story of her birth because I was there. I am the keeper of that memory for her. I see it as a tender mercy, an evidence of the grace of God. On the eve of her daughter's birthday I remember Merin and her labor of love and joy.


Ysa is blessed in having wonderful parents - now and at her birth. It is an incredible comfort and joy to me that although she has two mothers, both are my daughter. Eden is the very best mother that I can imagine for Ysa, the mother that Merin wants for her. The circle feels complete.


Unwisely, I would have done the work for Eden if I could have. Now I can see how cheated she would have been if that had been possible. We are pushed so far beyond what we think we can do/stand/be when we give birth and I believe that very pushing teaches us not only to treasure our babies but that we are so much more than we think. Capable of so much, much more. It is the first great lesson of motherhood.

Iced Fruited Herb Tea

Sweet summer. School is out. Life slows down. The sun comes up early - lighting my bedroom slowly and waking me gently a little before 5:00 AM - and goes down late, still light at 10:00 PM. I love the glorious long days. The garden grows. Watermelon is a valid meal (in my opinion). Time stretches out most deliciously. When I was a child summer seemed to last forever but now I know that it is over in a minute. Summer is sadly short here in Calgary, every moment a tiny treasure that wants to be enjoyed.


One of the signals of 'real' summer's arrival is making the first pitcher of "Fruited Iced Herbal Tea". I have had the recipe forever and cannot recall from where. We love it. Love it. I made gallons of it for Eden's wedding and again for Merin's. And then just gallons more for everyday summer relaxing. If it is summer there is a pitcher in the fridge at my house. Super easy and very refreshing it is a much cooler option than pop, best enjoyed in the shade with a good book and a lounge chair. Or at the park with a picnic. Or while watching the kids play in the sprinkler. Or when you are just hot and thirsty .... you get the idea.


Fruited Iced Herbal Tea


4 tea bags*
10 cups water
3/4 cup honey
2 lemons, juiced
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp almond extract


Boil 2 cups water, steep tea. Add the honey, lemon juice, vanilla, and almond extract. Mix well, then add the remaining 8 cups of water. Serve over ice.


Note: if you don't serve this over ice, add more water. It is much better when it is not too concentrated - more refreshing.


*I use a combination of different herbal teas when I make this. There is some flexibility in what I use but I  always include at least one tea bag of mint tea. From there it varies - fruity or berry teas are popular for this at our house and look very pretty as well, rooibos teas (an Earl Grey flavoured rooibos is fantastic), anything you like but personally I don't like the licorice or cinnamon teas for this recipe. (Although I seriously love them otherwise!)
So my selection for a recipe of iced tea may look like this:
1 mint tea bag
2 tea bags of an Earl Grey flavoured rooibos tea
1 fruity tea bag (like Berry Zinger or something similar)

Quinoa Tabbouleh

I love tabbouleh. I like quinoa. I am always trying to "eat healthy" and still enjoy the experience. Put it all together and quinoa tabbouleh is a natural conclusion. Not the only conclusion by any means but a pretty good one to arrive at. This tabbouleh would be good with some fresh pita breads. Or with hummus and pita bread. As for me - I just like to eat tabbouleh. All by itself. And go back for more.

Quinoa Tabbouleh

2 cups water

1 cup quinoa

2 cups diced tomatoes

1 cup diced cucumber

2 large bunches fresh parsley, finely chopped*

1 cup fresh mint leaves, finely chopped

1 cup finely chopped fresh cilantro

4 green onions, thinly sliced

1 can chick peas, drained and rinsed

1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil

1/4 cup fresh lemon juice

1 tsp sea salt

2 cloves garlic, minced

1/2 tsp cumin

few drops of hot pepper sauce

Bring the water and quinoa to a boil in a medium saucepan. Cover and simmer for 10 minutes. Turn the heat off but leave the covered saucepan on the burner for another 4 minutes. (Set the timer or check your clock - you want the quinoa to be al dente. Leaving it longer will tend you give you softer results than are optimal for a salad.) Fluff with a fork and cool the quinoa.

Meanwhile mix the tomatoes, cucumber, parsley, mint, cilantro, onion and chickpeas together in a large bowl. Add the cooled quinoa.

Combine the oil, lemon juice, salt, garlic, pepper sauce and cumin. Mix well and pour over the vegetable/quinoa mixture. Mix well. This is best if allowed to sit for at least 30 minutes before serving. Super delicious the next day - or for about 3 days after making.

* I like curly parsley because I prefer the way it tastes. If it is chopped finely enough it doesn't feel like you are eating a fur-ball - which is all to the good.

Watching Dance

How to articulate my thoughts and feelings right now.... kind of sad, but not a bitter sadness. Memory upon memory. Such tender, tender memories. Why? We just watched the movie Mao's Last Dancer - based on the autobiography of Chinese dancer Li Cunxin. I honestly don't know if it was a 'good' movie or not. It may be terribly melodramatic or politically inaccurate, I can't say but I don't care - there was some incredible dancing. Other than the Christmas performance of The Nutcracker watching this movie is the first dance I have watched since last August and the watching brought to mind many evenings spent with both Merin and Eden. Giselle, Bayadere, The Red Shoes, Don Quixote, Coppelia, Swan Lake, Romeo and Juliet, Center Stage (to be a little less high-brow but honestly?....seriously watched and re-watched by a young Merin), Nutcracker - to name a few of the movies and movie versions we watched and Merin studied carefully. The ballets we attended. The ballets  Merin danced. The passion for all of it. The beauty. The discipline. I am remembering.

I am grateful for those years and times together - to be able to remember that we did share many nights absorbed in the beauty of ballet. I miss that and this evening I miss my Merin. I miss her dancing - in my kitchen, in the studio, on the stage. I miss the intensity she felt for dance...that passion and joy. I miss her curling up beside me to watch the movie. I just miss her. But I keep coming back to the thought that I am so profoundly grateful for all she brought us and all we will always have because of her. 

One of those things is that I will always love ballet. And probably always love a ballet movie too. As for the movie? If you enjoy ballet I would say - watch it.

My Go-To Salad

Summer is officially Two Days Long now. We had a second day (that's two in a row!) of beautiful blue skies, fluffy high clouds and (cue fanfare) Sunshine!!!!! No rain, no wind, and no cold misery that we have to try to pass off as spring. Again in celebration I offer my very favorite "go-to" - a salad that I love every time. It is what I make when I have neglected to plan ahead, when I am too tired to do anything else, when I am eating alone, when I want to impress, when dinner needs to be on the table and ready five minutes ago. Really. It is all that. At least, I like it - and nobody complains about eating it so I figure they agree with me. And to ice the cake it is very, very good for you. When we eat this, it is dinner - even for a man. Even men who have approached it with a healthy dose of scepticism and a jaundiced eye.

When I make this salad I do an individual plate for each person as opposed to tossing a big bowlful. It looks much prettier and everyone gets their fair share of the goodies.

My Go-To Salad

(this is more or less a 'pattern' for salad - I vary it according to what is in season - or in the fridge, ha!)

2 or 3 generous handfuls of spring greens - depending on how hungry you are

1/4 avocado, sliced

1/2 cup fresh fruit (berries, mango, tomatoes, pears, apples, oranges, grapes - choose one)*

1/4 cup chopped nuts (almonds, walnuts, or pecans)

1/8 cup crumbled feta or fresh goat cheese

1 Tbsp milled flaxseed or hemp seed hearts

Go-To Vinaigrette - enough for 2 salads

(actually that needs a way more important title because....it just does. You'll see. This is a good vinaigrette)

1 Tbsp flax or hemp seed oil

1 Tbsp olive oil

1 Tbsp balsamic or rice vinegar

1/8 tsp agave nectar

a few drops of hot chili sauce

pinch of sea salt

freshly ground pepper to taste

Arrange your choice of salad ingredients on a plate - or better in a large-ish bowl.

Whisk together the vinaigrette. Pour it over the salad. Done.

If you want to add some grilled chicken or steak to this - it is a very yummy embellishment.

*sliced cooked beets are also great in this salad.

Asian Chicken Salad

Finally! It is summer. At least for today. That's the way it goes here in Calgary. The calendar doesn't really have much to do with when the seasons arrive or leave, or how long they stay. Winter totally overstayed its welcome this year and spring never did come but today, today it is summer - right on schedule! Bravo Summer! To celebrate that most welcome arrival (and hopefully entice the season to stay a while) we had a very delicious, fresh, and summery salad for dinner tonight. It was so good that I wanted to eat and eat and eat. It was all I served and all I wanted.

Asian Chicken Salad

(adapted fairly liberally from marthastewart.com)

5 cups shredded cabbage

3 cups shredded carrots

1 cup chopped cilantro 

1 cup lightly packed mint leaves, chopped

2 green onions (white and green parts), sliced thin

3 Tbsp black sesame seeds

2 cups chopped, cooked chicken

Dressing

1/4 cup fresh lime juice

2 tsp soy sauce

2 tsp almond oil*

1/2 tsp sesame oil

1/2 tsp agave nectar

1/2 tsp sea salt

1/4 tsp hot chili oil

Combine the cabbage, carrots, cilantro, mint, onions, chicken, and sesame seed in a large bowl.

Whisk together the dressing ingredients and pour over the cabbage mixture. Serve immediately. And enjoy a most delicious way to eat your leafy greens.

*I used almond oil because I like the slightly nutty taste. I think there are many oils that offer a healthy advantage. I do not however believe that most vegetable oils including canola are wise health choices. In this salad I wouldn't use olive oil although I generally love it - too strong a taste. Hemp oil would be another good choice -  for health and taste.

Jane Deliciousness

Sorry - I have been trying to resist this but I just really can't don't want to. I have been working on flower girl dresses for Mark and Tiffany's wedding and Jane tried on the prototype for me yesterday. Eden snapped a few shots so that I could show Tiffany what the dress was looking like and both Jane and Eden's eye (even when it was just for an email 'this is what it looks like what do you think?') were so sweet I had to show off.  The dress will be fine but Jane feeling beautiful is what I love. 

Isn't she just delicious?!!