How to articulate my thoughts and feelings right now.... kind of sad, but not a bitter sadness. Memory upon memory. Such tender, tender memories. Why? We just watched the movie Mao's Last Dancer - based on the autobiography of Chinese dancer Li Cunxin. I honestly don't know if it was a 'good' movie or not. It may be terribly melodramatic or politically inaccurate, I can't say but I don't care - there was some incredible dancing. Other than the Christmas performance of The Nutcracker watching this movie is the first dance I have watched since last August and the watching brought to mind many evenings spent with both Merin and Eden. Giselle, Bayadere, The Red Shoes, Don Quixote, Coppelia, Swan Lake, Romeo and Juliet, Center Stage (to be a little less high-brow but honestly?....seriously watched and re-watched by a young Merin), Nutcracker - to name a few of the movies and movie versions we watched and Merin studied carefully. The ballets we attended. The ballets Merin danced. The passion for all of it. The beauty. The discipline. I am remembering.
I am grateful for those years and times together - to be able to remember that we did share many nights absorbed in the beauty of ballet. I miss that and this evening I miss my Merin. I miss her dancing - in my kitchen, in the studio, on the stage. I miss the intensity she felt for dance...that passion and joy. I miss her curling up beside me to watch the movie. I just miss her. But I keep coming back to the thought that I am so profoundly grateful for all she brought us and all we will always have because of her.
One of those things is that I will always love ballet. And probably always love a ballet movie too. As for the movie? If you enjoy ballet I would say - watch it.
I will watch that movie. I love to watch dancing as well. Martha loved to dance, certainly not with the passion that Merin did but I still love good dancing! So many memories that bring joy and pain at the same time. Joy because of Merin herself and pain because she is not here to visit with and share with and be with. The next few weeks will bring up many memories that will be difficult. I love you and pray for you constantly. You have strength beyond your imagination.
It it wonderful that you have so many special memories. Merin brought so much to all of us in her gentle way...she is greatly missed!
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