8 months ago I wished daily for a how-to manual. 'How to Grieve and What to Expect' with a subtitle of 'Mothering the Grieving Family'. I didn't know how to do what I had to do and frankly wasn't terribly sure that I could do it. Some days were harder than others but of course even those days ran out of hours and usually when the next new day began there would be a little more sunshine. Gradually I began to become accustomed to our new reality. One day I was putting something away and realized - totally out of the blue - that I felt like I could do and had been doing what needed to be done. That I had been blessed with the ability to do it even though I was uncertain that I could. And then, smack! I was blindsided by grief. Again. 

One thing I have learned is that there is no rhyme or reason to grief. 

I woke this morning to find that Eden had shared this quote on her blog*. It is one of my favorites from Merin's journals. 

"Life is so crazy and unpredictable. Kinda nerve racking but exciting. The important thing is to be humble, to try to follow Heavenly Father's will, to use my agency wisely. Life only happens once and I need to remember to enjoy every minute of it! To be positive." 
-Merin's Journal Entry  June 9 2008 

The quote is the essence of Merin. I think of it often - grateful for her sweet wisdom, grateful for her. Grateful too, to know that she would want us to be happy here and now. And grateful that I am...even though I miss her.

* I had been awake for a long time last night and during that wakeful time thought a lot about what I have just shared. It is uncanny how frequently Eden and my thoughts and emotions coincide as we have shared this experience of grief. Uncanny but very comforting.


Kate said...

As I have read your journey in grief, I marvel at the sunshine that you bring into other people’s lives by the eloquence and wisdom afforded you in this time and given to all of the lives that surround you. As the great master plan unfolds, a kind and gracious heavenly Father, through his obedient servants, knows that we will listen....through your words and through your children’s words. As I read your blog and now Eden’s blog, I am touched by how closely the spirit is working in my soul too! Thank you for blessing me with that bit of tender mercy. As we live righteously to greet those that have gone before us our lives becomes enriched and we become a bit more grateful for diaries that ‘cheer us on’....and give us strength. Bless you!

Anonymous said...

Dear Cheri:

I find it so profound that you and Eden had the same thought at the same time. You both are so connected with Merin.

Reading the passage on both blogs makes me wish I had gotten to know your daughter more. I hadn't seen her for about 7 years before she was called home. She was the first person Meagan and I met when Meagan started dancing for International. The impression of her that I will always carry with me is always of a young woman (never a child) who was radiantly happy, calm, self-assured. She had a way about her, an aura if you will, that gave the impression she knew exactly what was expected of her; both from the people around her and from her Heavenly Father. I remember when she chose not to dance on Sundays. I mentioned that the decision surprised me coming from someone so young. She smiled her serene smile and said that was what her Heavenly Father wanted. It still gives me chills to this day.

I feel very humbled and priveleged to have known Merin.