In the car this afternoon, at a four way stop, there was a car to my right. A steel grey, not new, import station wagon. The driver was a young woman with an open face. My heart stuttered. Joy!! ... and then of course, reality. That doesn't happen often. In fact today was one of two times since Merin's death. It is a strange thing the mind does. I know that Merin is not here and that I will not see her. I no longer wake up and expect her to call me. But still today, for that split second, enough pieces of information that my mind keeps in the Merin file came together and my heart leapt for joy. The reality, our new normal, made the rest of the day a little greyer than it was before that intersection.